Have you ever heard someone use the phrase “they’re the best thing to ever happen to me”? Did you roll your eyes upon hearing it? Or did you gush and think it was incredibly romantic and hoped to meet your person who would make you feel the same way?
If you’re in the latter group of people, it’s fine. Everyone gets caught up in romance here and there. We only recently attended a wedding and the ceremony was so beautiful I actually cried (which caused Steve to roll his eyes at me :P).
But while the sentiment is sweet, it’s important to note that we shouldn’t actually be waiting for this dream person to change our lives. This person who is meant to rescue us. Or just as worrying, waiting to be that person to someone else.
The reality is, being the best thing to ever happen to someone isn’t healthy. Not only is it putting a lot of pressure on your relationship, it’s also putting a lot of pressure on you. Imagine having to be this perfect version of yourself at all times, no matter what.
Who has time for that?
Don’t make your partner the centre of your universe
Being the centre of someone’s universe sounds exhausting. Dehumanising, even. You begin to lose your sense of self, conscious of how every decision you make can affect the other person.
That’s if you’re self-aware enough to even realise. Some people never even notice, which can lead to a lot of heartbreak and devastation.
Healthy relationships are mutual relationships. They’re independent. They are between people who share a mutual love and respect, but have their own personalities, goals and interests. While a lot of these can be shared, if they were to break up tomorrow, they would be upset – probably for a while – but they would inevitably move on.
People who have healthy relationships typically understand their own self-worth. They can recognise their value, and they’re not about to hand it over to a third party.
We’re not kidding when we say “first, love yourself”
You may have heard this phrase a few hundred times before too. “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else”. Before you roll your eyes at this one, don’t take it so literally!
Of course you can still love other people if you don’t like yourself. Not all of us have the luxury of perfect self-confidence. But if you find your relationships are regularly failing, it’s time to start doing some soul-searching. Are you constantly negative and relying on your partners to always cheer you up?
It’s up to you how you handle it. Seek a professional’s advice or simply think about ways you can improve your attitude. Whatever works best for you.
Once you realise your own self-worth (even if it only comes in waves), you won’t need to make someone the centre of your universe — because you will already be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.
With self-worth comes greater intimacy
At Sneak Peak, we want to help people build deeper connections with their partners. And one of the best ways to do that is by recognising your own value.
The more you love yourself, the more you’re able to speak up about what’s important to you. That could mean choosing what show to watch on Netflix for once, asking for help with the housework – or voicing what’s ticking your boxes in the bedroom.
What do you think? Whether you’re in a healthy relationship or happily single, share with us in the comments the ways that you practice putting yourself first. We’d love to hear from you!