Messy or Mind Blowing? How to Have Good Anal Sex

Anal sex. Probably one of the more divisive kinks out there. Some people love it, others hate it. Quite a few won’t even consider trying it.

Once upon a time I used to be one of the latter.

I remember a girl I used to work with once shared over drinks that she loved anal – even more than vaginal sex. I couldn’t fathom it. We’re meant to have vaginal sex, how could anal actually be better? It’s surely just something women do to entertain their partners?

But then in 2015, on the first night I slept with my (now) husband, I let him stick a finger in my butt.

It was honestly like flicking on a switch. That night I realised why people liked it – and it definitely wasn’t just to please their partners like I’d originally believed. It didn’t take us long to properly try anal after that.

I wouldn’t say I love it more than vaginal penetration, but if you’ve never tried it before and you’re curious, it’s definitely worth a shot.

Mind you, there’s some things you should keep in mind before you get going. Here’s some anal sex tips I’ve learned over the past few years.

To douche or not to douche?

Every anal sex tips blog I’ve ever read suggests you should always douche before ‘taking the dirt track’. But to be perfectly honest, I’ve never done it and I’ve never found it to be necessary. I think this is entirely up to personal preference.

In my experience, if I’m not feeling healthy digestion-wise, then we won’t do it. There was honestly a period of about a year where we didn’t have anal once because I wasn’t feeling the best. But I do find a high-fibre diet (and even some Metamucil) does help if you’re not keen on douching.

That being said, don’t be surprised if there’s the odd mishap here and there. Even with douching this is bound to happen from time to time. But really, if your partner gets offended at the sight of a little poop on his penis, he’s probably not mature enough to be taking the back road with you anyway.

Get clean before you get dirty

That being said, cleanliness is important. You should definitely think about having a shower before you get down and dirty. This is particularly important if you’re planning on tossing the salad (performing analingus). 

Your butt has a lot of bacteria, so you should try and minimise the risk of infection as much as possible. But honestly, it’s not a bad idea to take shower before any kind of sexual activity – not only for good hygiene, but nobody wants to go down on someone with sweaty genitals.

Take it slow

A lot of the fun with anal sex (and sex in general, really) is the anticipation. It’s not about sticking it in as quickly as possible. If you’re not prepared for it, it will hurt! 

Instead, incorporate your butt into some foreplay. Make it the centrepiece of playtime. Stimulate the sensitive area around your anus, before you even begin trying to stick anything inside. And don’t be afraid to try some toys first like anal beads or a butt plug, as they can help prepare you for the size of your partner.

Don’t skimp on the lube

I cannot stress this enough. If you think you’ve got enough lube, you should probably use more – especially if it’s your first time. It’s sticky and gross, I know, but butts don’t come with natural lubricant like vaginas do. And it will not be a pleasant experience for either party if you try to stick it in dry.

If you’re using a condom, make sure you’re using a water-based or silicone lubricant. Also, it’s probably a good idea to check if you or your partner are allergic beforehand. Steve has eczema and we’ve learned over the years that some lubes are kinder to his skin than others.

Some lubes we recommend include:

Truffle butter is as gross as it sounds

The first time I heard this phrase was in a Nicki Minaj song and now I’m passing on my disgust to everyone reading this. It’s a phrase that Urban Dictionary also describes so charmingly:

When you pull your dick out of her asshole and put it in her vagina. The tan around the pussy is called truffle butter, i.e. poo mixed with cum.

Do not do this. Anal-to-vaginal sex will only lead to bacterial infections and nobody wants that. If you do want to switch between the two, use a condom so you can easily take it off and avoid transferring any bacteria. Or make your partner wash his dick.

Also, side note: penises should 100% be washed straight after anal sex (or at least immediately after post-coital cuddles) to avoid infections as well.

Don’t forget about your clit

Anal sex can feel strange and even painful initially. And when you’re nervous, it can make it even less pleasurable. That’s why it’s important to take it slow – but also why you should make a point to continue stimulating your clitoris and vagina during it. 

A wand is a great option. Not only is the head big enough that the lube won’t cause you to slip from the sweet spot, you’ll also get the added benefit of stimulating your whole vulva. Keep that humming nicely against all those nerve endings and you’ll quickly find yourself enjoying the sensation (and naughtiness) that comes along with anal sex.

Try a few positions

The first time Steve and I had anal sex, it took us a few different positions to get it right. And honestly, there’s been other times since then where it hasn’t quite worked either. Lube is slippery, bodies don’t always line up the way you expect them to – and your anus isn’t designed for receiving (not initially, anyway). 

A good one to start with is lying on your back with a pillow underneath your butt to raise up your hips. Or you could always give doggy style a shot. Just do what works for you and your partner and don’t be afraid to change it up.

Men have butts too

Some women I know have told their male partners that they won’t have anal sex until they can stick something up their bum first. They’ve got to “receive to give” in this instance haha.

But really, all this leads to is a Mexican stand-off. If you’re keen to try anal, you should try it – regardless of whether your partner is willing to do the same with their butt. It’s a personal decision and nobody should ever feel pressured into trying something they’re not ready to, male, female or otherwise.

But a message to the straight guys out there: you should really give it a go. It doesn’t make you any less “manly” and it feels great, especially once you learn how to stimulate your prostate.

Get kinky with Sneak Peak

Whether you’re an anal newbie or a butt connoisseur, we want to hear your kinky stories. Tell us what’s worked for you, and don’t be afraid to share any mishaps. Sex can be mind blowing, but it’s also a little messy, which is all part of the fun.

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